Rethinking How We Teach Social Skills to Teens and Adults
Laura Lamantia, BCBA, Founder of Chatterfly Social Skills App
As BCBAs and professionals who teach social skills to those with autism, we are trained in structured curricula, discrete targets, and measurable responses. Those tools are valuable. But flexible programming is key, especially when teaching social skills to teens and adults on the autism spectrum.
Adult social environments are dynamic. Conversations shift quickly. Workplace communication is layered. Expectations are often implied rather than stated.
If our teaching methods are overly rigid, we may unintentionally increase masking, cognitive load, or anxiety rather than build functional independence.
Social skills training, reimagined
Effective social skills instruction starts with understanding patterns, not memorizing responses. Long-term competence (as well as confidence) develops when clients can flexibly apply these patterns in real-world situations.
Key areas to target include:
Conversation patterns (openings, responses, transitions)
Perspective-taking
Self-advocacy language
Repair strategies when communication breaks down
Tolerating ambiguity in social situations
When we focus on how interactions work rather than what to say, clients build adaptable skills that generalize across settings and relationships.
Reducing cognitive load in instruction
Many teens and adults we work with are capable of understanding social expectations, but processing social demands in real time can be a barrier.
Teaching in a way that lowers cognitive load can improve outcomes. This might include:
Practicing one conversational component at a time
Repeating patterns across multiple scenarios
Using low-pressure rehearsal environments
Allowing for pauses and processing time
When practice happens in a regulated state, skills are more accessible under natural conditions.
A neuroaffirming lens in professional practice
As providers, our goal is not to train clients to appear neurotypical. It is to expand their options.
A neuroaffirming approach to social skills:
Respects individual communication styles
Distinguishes between safety skills and social preference
Prioritizes consent and autonomy
Teaches flexibility without demanding masking
This shift requires intention. It also requires accessible tools that clients can use outside of sessions.
Extending practice beyond session time
One challenge many of us face is limited session time. Social skills require repetition, variation, and real-world application. Once-weekly social skills groups are rarely enough for mastery.
Clients benefit from structured, independent practice between sessions — especially when it mirrors the way we teach: pattern-based, flexible, and low pressure.
This is one of the reasons I developed the Chatterfly Social Skills App. As a BCBA, I wanted a tool I would feel comfortable recommending to my own clients — something that supports dynamic conversation practice and fosters social confidence.
For professionals teaching social skills, the goal is not to replace clinical judgment or individualized programming. It is to supplement it with structured, repeatable opportunities for rehearsal.
Social skills instruction does not end with adolescence, and it does not generalize automatically. When we design teaching that is flexible, neuroaffirming, and scalable, we increase the likelihood that skills will carry into real environments.
As clinicians, we have the opportunity to evolve how social skills are taught — especially for teens and adults who deserve developmentally appropriate support.
